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 Ashellie's Book of Poetry

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Ashellie Kaine
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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:42 pm

Just Pull the Trigger

Open old wounds, daddy, please…
Remind me why I hate you so.
Mommy, leave me in the river,
Just so I can drown…

I’m a little child, left all alone,
The world pressing against my chest.
They always wear me down;
They always break me.

Mother, won’t you hold me up?
Won’t you rid me of this suffering?
You married Lucifer, Prince of Darkness.
You deny your only daughter.

Father, why do you treat me this way?
Why do you hate me so?
Beat me down with your words,
Break my heart till I can’t breathe.

My parents, you are the main source of my pain.
The reason for this noose; this blade and gun.
Kick the chair and make me bleed.
Mommy, daddy, just pull the trigger…

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:43 pm

Stranded

I’m searching through your dark eyes.
My heart feels as if its been branded,
From the burning of all your lies.
Alone on this island, I’m stranded.

Close out the dark, listen to your beating heart
I let go of you and you fall into my living nightmare
It’s always painful, even at the start
I really did once care

Have you ever once had the need to cry?
Just sat in your room all night long
Waiting for the world around you to die
Listening over and over to this sad song?

I’ll be searching forever through your dark eyes.
My heart is bruised and forever branded
Because of the burning of all the lies.
Even now, with you, I’m still stranded.

Stranded, I’m all alone
No comforting hand for me to hold
Now I can see, your true colors have shown
I think just this once I’ll be bold!

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:44 pm

Angel’s Blood

Tears are like blood;
Sometimes they bleed down;
Sometimes they can sting,
But will you let them fall?
Knowing that it’s your fault
That I am in so much pain?

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:44 pm

Eternity

Searching for eternity
You are a frivolous dream
Holding fast to unreliable
Dreams, where are you going?
Searching for the
Key to open twilight
With the moon’s shadow out of
Reach, I cry. Where am I going?
Even though secrets
Are lost in our eyes
We will never break our embrace
Pale journey moon, hide
The morning’s glow
The gentle down of a
Night that should not end.

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:44 pm

Untitled

MY wounds are crying for that grave I seek.
MY heart is bleeding eternally.
I wish YOU were here to comfort ME.
But YOU said the words I wish YOU didn’t.
YOU said goodbye and forever—
YOU’VE left ME in the dark.
To cry for YOUR return.
To MY arms.

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:45 pm

We Is Friends

Me and you is friends
You smile, I smile
You hurt, I hurt
You cry, I cry
You jump off a bridge…
I’m gonna miss your emails!

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:46 pm

I Promise Baby (Guys POV)

Promise baby I’ll love you
With you forever I’ll stay
I’ll do anything and everything
To keep harm to you away

I promise baby I can give you hugs
That only I can give
I’ll honor and protect you
As long as I shall live

I promise baby I’ll give you kisses
So sweet forever you’ll taste
I’ll kiss you until tomorrows here
No kisses for you to waste

I promise baby I’ll never hurt you
Forever have no fears
I’ll give up everything
To see you cry no tears

I promise baby you can trust me
I’ll give you the world and more
I’ll be your fairytale suitor
You shall be my Cinderella girl

I promise baby I’ll treat you
As every woman shall be
My beautiful royal princess
Show you off for everyone to see

I promise baby this to you
Promises so deep
Than he said, “But I’m truly sorry
There isn’t one that I did keep”

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:47 pm

All in 1 Minute

Look at the clock
It says 1:41
I know thinking of you
I’ll never be done

You run through my mind
And occupy all my time
Wondering why you’re gone
And why you’re not mine

I think of you constantly
For some reason I can’t stop
Know that for always
You’ll forever have my heart

My days go by so slow
Cause you run through my head
I said I’d love you forever
Isn’t that enough said?

You also haunt my dreams
If you know what I mean
I wake up often
With sweats and screams

Why do I sleep by myself
I’m alone in my bed
I know I’ll be thinking of you
Till the day I am dead

Now still all these thoughts
Just run through my brain
Can’t stop thinking of ****
I think I’m going insane

I feel I wanna kill myself
People say that’s not what to do
But I turn and look at the clock
And it says it’s only 1:42…

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:47 pm

15 Stitches

Fifteen stitches on my left arm
Had nothing to do with the pain in my heart
A broken glass was what did the harm
Not the thoughts in my head or the hand that I love

Behind the bandage were the secrets I kept
With no one to blame but two troubled heads
You never saw all the clues that I left
Not even the letter that said where I went

I could have posted it up on a billboard or wall
But you would’ve looked passed it with no clue at all
I kept it inside for a really long time
With nothing to show but the tears that I cried

You’re perfect! You told me we know what’s best for you now!
So how come you locked me in this hell house
I tried to escape, I tried to just leave
But no one would give me a sharp knife or key

Only the dead can come back to life
But why does the living feel so dead inside
I repeated that over and over again
But that wouldn’t change the thoughts in my head

I’m not perfect! I said I do everything wrong!
And that’s what I said when you knew what I’ve done
Dripping down was the blood of a child
Who never felt loved, not even a while

As I fell to the floor I heard a soft voice
Who said you’re okay, who said you’re with God
I don’t want to be! I yelled I don’t want to be here!
I just wanted parents who would love me to tears!

In a hospital bed I woke up the next day
In a room full of candies, flowers and heads
Kisses and hugs were all thrown my way
Gross comments and yelling were all miles away

I lifted my head as I turned to the door
Two people stepped in that I’ve never seen before
Half smiles on their faces and flowers galore
They gave me one kiss and fell on their knees to the floor

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:48 pm

Confessions of a Cutter

Silence
Only tears
As I press the blade
Against my pale skin

Red
The blood flows
From the wounds
Echoing my inner pain

Satisfaction
As I feel the knife
Slicing into me
I only deserve pain

Anguish
As I realize what I’ve done
I feel accomplishment
As I gaze at the marks upon my skin

Stares
People are horrified
Don’t understand why
Neither do I

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:48 pm

The World Will End

Doors slam, chains rattle
You win the war, you lose the battle
Ice cracks, dogs bark
Tires screech, the fire sparks
Lights blink, the wind blows
You fake a grin, the sadness shows
The knife cuts, trees fall
One last tear completes the call
Twigs break, rain drops
Heart’s bleed they’ll never stop
Needles scratch, grass gets long
Drops of blood echo the beat of the song
The clock ticks, the hour strikes
Kids whine, parents fight
The moon hides, the blood drips
Now that he’s gone, the broken heart rips
Nails on a chalkboard, teeth grind
You’re all alone, with no one left to find
You grab the gun, give the world on last kiss
Thunder crashes, with no one left to miss
Cookies crumble, rules bend
A lightning flash, the world will end
Tears fall, you hate good byes
You can’t hold on, so you just die

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:01 am

Would Could You Say

What could you say
If your daughter ever got raped?
Or say your son was a mass murderer
Or had a life you couldn’t escape?
What could you say
If your body was so broken
Because your father beat you
And called you names that remain unspoken?
What could you say
If you fell into depression
Became bulimic or anorexic
Because of your body’s imperfections?
What could you say
If tears came to my eyes?
Would you hold me tightly in your arms?
Or simple watch me cry
What could you say
If my words came to an end?
Would you help me recover from broken hopes
And help me make amends
What would you say
If I were never here
Would you continue on with everyday life
As I slowly disappear?

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:02 am

Hold Me Close

Hold me close and don’t let go;
I’m so scared to be alone.
I’ve been by myself for too long,
And always had to be strong.
Now I only want to rest;
And lay my head on your chest.
Hold me close and don’t let go;
These wars I fight no one knows.
Now whisper how you love me,
Say it tenderly and softly.
I am weary and soon will sleep,
But with you no longer will I weep.
So hold me close and don’t let go,
For I never want to be alone.

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:03 am

Did You Know?

Did you know..?

Did you know that I secretly cry and tear myself to shreds every night?

Did you know that behind my seemingly warm happy eyes lies a broken innocent, ravaged by many sinful hands?

Did you know that I loathe you for disposing and abandoning me in this forsaken hell?

Did you know that I bleed for you, that I dwell in this eternal pain for you, that you bind me to this duty?

Did you know that you intertwined you and I and left me to take care of our withering souls?

Did you know that for every smile I forcefully press against my face a slit is placed upon my delicate skin?

Did you know that everyday you kill apart of who I am, that every time you scream at my wrenching, contorting face I grow number?

Do you even know that I exist anymore?

Do you know that for every word you say it pierces my heart and I grow closer to my death?

Do you even care that you have started my reckoning?

Did you even know or acknowledge when I crept upstairs and locked my door, when I slowly consumed the various jagged white little pills, then I pierced my wrist with the oh so familiar razor?

Did you know that I did that to escape you because it was the only absolute solution?

Do you realize that even as I lay in the plain plush cushions on my final bed with an expressionless face, I still hold nothing but contempt for you?

Do you finally understand cursed life you burdened on my fragile shoulders? I don’t think you do, you will never understand… will you?

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:03 am

Save Me

As I put the razor to my skin
I feel the adrenalin
The pain is a sudden rush to me
As the blood falls to the floor
I see my pain and worries disappearing
I hide my scars in fear of what you may say
But without you these scars will not exist
My love, my life, my reason
I sit here and bleed
My smiles, my tears
My heart tears more and more
You deny your love, I deny my pain
The pain I feel when you are not by my side
Some call it love I call it suicide
The razor can only go too deep
A person can only bleed so much
But the pain never ends
My nights are cold, my arms are empty
The cuts cover up the pain
My smile covers up the hurt
As you walk along too blind to see my pain
The days get harder
The nights never seem to end
I fake a smile and wipe away my tears
I forget the truth
For when I am with you it feels so right
Without you I find myself lost and confused, broken and torn
Kiss my pain away
Wipe away my blood filled tears
I long for you to save me

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:03 am

Things I Love About You

I love the way you make me laugh
I love the way you make me cry

Tears of joy stream from my eyes
As I hear your voice, a loving surprise

I love you when you’re angry
I love you when you’re sad

I love you when you’re glad
When you tell me of the day you had

I love you truly
I love you deeply

Ever since the day
I let you meet me

I missed you when you left
I miss you now more than ever

Making a mistake that I regret
Hoping that you are a forgiver

Without you, my life is strife
But now I ask for a second chance

Be with me and start a life
Together forever, an eternal dance

I wait for you as the days go by
My love is growing inch by inch

I cannot wait to see you
But I wait for you and your warm kiss

I love you

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:04 am

Always

The day you were born, the whole world was blessed
These thoughts in my mind to you I must confess

The time has come for me to express my true feelings
You are the center of my thoughts and the essence of my being

What you have brought me I never thought I could procure
The gift of comfort, with you I am secure

For you have lifted me up from a life filled with sorrow
And made me realize there is always a better tomorrow

It amazes me how someone can make me feel this way
I love you more and more with each passing day

You brighten my days and lift my spirits
I have felt this for so long and now want you to hear it

So you may know the place you hold in my heart
You are always with me even when we’re apart

I truly believe what we have is meant to be
Just open your heart and soon you shall see

What I am willing to do to keep a smile on your face
Just know that I’m here and will be always

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:05 am

Why Don’t They Come Home

They stood at the shallow grave of dozens unknown
A plea is asked, “Why don’t they come home?”

They watch little innocent children play in streets
Filled with military of their homeland
A plea is asked, “Why don’t they come home?”

They befriend the hurt and the lonely, giving
Medical attention to those who are bystanders
Hit by shrapnel.
A plea is asked, “Why don’t they come home?”

They write and call their families, they count down
The days till they can see their loved ones, even if it’s
A two week stay.
A plea is asked, “Why don’t they come home?”

They guard checkpoints, searching everywhere
For the terrorists. They fight and some lose their lives.
A plea is asked, “Why don’t they come home?”

They REMEMBER 9/11: the attack on US soil.

They SEE what torment people face with suicide
Bombings.
They WITNESS changes as voters encounter
Uplifting smiles and gracious hearts.

“Why don’t they come home?” someone asked me.

F R E E D O M
“It isn’t free, just ask any Soldier.”

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:07 am

Missing You

Everyone asks
How much I miss you
Everyone can’t imagine
How I can do this
Everyone wants to know
How I make it through the days
The weeks and the months
When you are gone
More than you’re here
But they don’t understand
The strength of our bond
The depth of our love
The honor of our commitment
It’s hard to wake up
Alone in our bed
When I only want to watch you sleeping
Wishing I could be waking you slowly
It’s hard to come home
At the end of a long day
Wanting to be wrapped in your arms
And to be held in your smile
But…
How can I miss you?
When with softest kisses
You have breathed
Your life into my spirit
And with tenders’ touch
You have carved your love
Into soul and skin
Your love pulses through my veins
And drives every beat
Of my heart

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:08 am

Thinking of You

We think of all you soldiers who are
In lands so far away
It brings tears to our eyes on what for us
Is not to be a sunny day…
We cannot help ourselves that we are in
Such fear for you one and all
For you took the step and came forward
To answer this nations call…

So we are pouring our hearts out in humble
Prayer when each morning comes
Giving thanks to our Lord for all this nations
Mighty daughters and sons…
We ask the Lord each day to direct your
Decisions you must make
For you are there to do battle and cannot
Afford any mistakes…

We are thankful for your families who are
Giving so much for this country too
And we own them all a debt that is full of
Our deepest gratitude…
If we could we would be standing along with
You right by your side
Fighting with you as you do battle and the days
Roll on like a moving tide…

So we say to each one of you as if we had your
Names written upon a heart
We cannot forget you and we support you while
You and your loved ones are apart…
And know that we will lift you up to the Lord
Each and every day
That He would bless you and keep you safe
No matter what comes your way…

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:09 am

Dear Mom and Dad

I can’t stand to live anymore
I just want to die and end it all
The pain of living is just the start
I’m sorry that I’m breaking your heart
It started with hate, but now it’s a little too late
My life is a mess and I can only confess that
Inside it hurts none the less
I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused
But in the end it’ll be okay because this is the only way
I’m sorry for worrying you, I’m sorry for distressing you
I’m sorry for killing you inside
Mom it saddens me to see you cry
You’re the one who helped me get by
You taught me to walk
You taught me to talk
Without you I wouldn’t even be here and I will always hold you dear
Daddy you’re the greatest guy in the world
I never appreciated the time we had
Inside I was daddy’s girl
But I never showed you I cared
Without your guidance I wouldn’t be here
You told me that I never had to fear
For such a long time I have felt this way and all I have to say is
“I love you” but it doesn’t seem like enough
I know what you are about to go through is tough
You are the best parents a girl could ever have
It’s just; all I want to do is die
So this, I guess, is my goodbye…

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:09 am

How I Feel

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside
How can I stay here and live each day a lie
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed
I plead with you now mom, let me go instead
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free
It may seem ungrateful, but this life’s not meant for me
Thank you for all your love, for all the time we shared
It means the world to me, to know that someone cared

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PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:09 am

The Cutters Guide to Survive

As I sit in my room
Wondering what I should do
I slowly take this knife
And try to form a better life
The pain is released from my body by now
I just can’t help but to scream out loud
Everything is erased
I know I can easily be replaced
I’m stuck in this place
Against all human races
Drinking away the pain
It keeps me from going insane
The dark is one place I don’t fear
Asking myself, when am I getting out of here?
These thoughts keep coming to my mind,
Just wish I could find
The truth that says it all
I wanna give up and just let everything fall
The world as we know it is coming to an end
I’m wondering if I should press delete or send?
Where were you when I need you the most?
Why are you so scared of my ghost?
Trying to keep from falling apart
Stabbing me in the heart
I know that my future isn’t supposed to be here
It’s supposed to be in a grave that is very near
I want to say goodbye to my family and friends
Just wanna let you know that there are dead ends
Whatever happens in the future
I want you to know what I say is pure
If there was one piece of advice I could give
I would say just sit back and live how you wanna live
Now I think it’s time for me to go
In hopes that this poem will bring you home
Is this shit really true
I don’t know what else I can do?
I want to give you this rose
The end was so close
But now it’s so far away
That is I’m done, I have no more to say

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Ashellie Kaine
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Posts : 395
Join date : 2009-06-07
Age : 28
Location : Ohio

PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:14 am

Everyday

I cut to make things better
I cut to feel free
I cut to release the pain
I cut what’s hurting in me

I keep thoughts there that were said
I keep thoughts of dying buried in my head
I keep thoughts of cutting and the puddle turning red
I keep thoughts of crying blood each night there one to shed

I look at me and see what I have became
I look at me and God I’m the one to blame
I look at me and see every night what is my aim
I look at me and think lets play another game

Every night I realize the words on my arm I read
Every night I know the scars I need to feed
Every night I think lets drink and cut that’s all I’ll ever need
Every night I sit there and watch myself bleed

Each cut I make is letting go of pain
Each cut I watch my blood drain
Each cut the feeling is hard to explain
Each cut I hope to cut through a vein

Every second I pray to God to be free
Every second I look and I hate what I see
Every second I think maybe this is meant to be
Every second I hate the fact this is me

Everyday I look straight into the sky
Everyday I keep closed up my hidden secret lie
Everyday I sit and watch myself cry
Everyday I’m too scared as I feel I’m close and going to die

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Ashellie Kaine
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Posts : 395
Join date : 2009-06-07
Age : 28
Location : Ohio

PostSubject: Re: Ashellie's Book of Poetry   Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:15 am

The Corner

Sitting in this corner, all alone tonight.
I’m tired and I’m crying, all I wanna do is die.
Tell me; is life really worth it without you around?
I’m listening for your footsteps, but I can’t hear a sound.

Sitting in this corner, all by myself.
I’m hurting and I’m cold and the memories don’t help.
Tell me; did you ever love me or was it all a lie?
I’m waiting for you to notice these tears in my eyes.

Sitting in this corner, as I cut away the pain.
I’m screaming out for help; I’m screaming out your name.
Tell me; are you coming back or leaving me to mourn?
I’m trying to feel love, but my heart has been torn.

Sitting in this corner, as I reflect on my life.
I’m losing everything so I might as well pick up this knife.
Tell me; will you remember me when you look to the sky?
I hope you do because you’re the reason for this suicide.

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